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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25308367">Scared of Love, Scared of Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenByCee/pseuds/WrittenByCee'>WrittenByCee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I Trusted You With My Heart [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Love Confessions, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:53:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25308367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenByCee/pseuds/WrittenByCee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You have always been scared of love. He has always been scared of not having enough time.<br/>A story in which Leon confesses his love for you but you're not ready to tell him you love him just yet.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leon S. Kennedy/Reader, Leon S. Kennedy/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I Trusted You With My Heart [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865170</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Scared of Love, Scared of Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was a request I received on my tumblr. I pictured RE6 Leon when I wrote it.<br/>I made the reader as generic as possible for this one shot, as I instinctively tend to write fem!readers. I actually like how it turned out and I hope the attempt at poetic flourish (if we can call it that) is not too indigestible.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p></p><div class="">
<p></p><div class=""><p><em>          “Up until I was 25, I thought the only response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh crap!</em>’” Chandler Bing said this. Yes, you read right. Chandler Bing, the famous Friends character, the one who’s always lame with women and makes sardonic jokes. Funny how a quote from a fictional character can perfectly sum up your love life.</p></div><div class=""><p>           Eyes still widened in shock and disbelief, you were still staring at Leon who was staring back at you with a growing unease, waiting for an answer. Come on Y/N, say something. “Holy shit.” Seriously? Not the best answer you could have given him.          <br/>
And with that terrible response came awkwardness. It settled with you and Leon at the table of the cosy little restaurant you were having dinner in and put all its weight on both your shoulders, rendering the moment oppressive and more than uncomfortable.  <br/>
“Not what I expected.” Leon admitted as he let go of your hand. His ego was bruised but not as much as his heart. You could tell just by the way he was avoiding eye contact, teeth slightly gritted in a sort of sneer weirdly stretching his handsome features in a grimace. He was certainly regretting his confession and you couldn’t blame him. But come on, who says ‘I love you’ after a month of relationship?!        <br/>
“Leon…” He waved you to shut up with a sad smile but it wasn’t rude. He just didn’t want your pity right now. “No, I get it, Y/N. You’re not ready and I’m taking things way too quick as I always do. Forget what I just said. It was nothing.” Lies. It was not nothing. It was something truly important to him otherwise he would not have booked a table in this romantic restaurant and be forcing a smile while fidgeting under the table right now, looking for a way to get rid the burdening unease.      <br/>
“ I just think that …” But he cut you short again. “No, really, baby. That’s fine. No need for you to justify yourself. What don’t you pick a dessert?” He said before peering at the menu, almost hiding his face behind it.</p></div></div><div class="">
  <p>But you wanted to justify yourself. You wanted to tell him that, even if you wanted to, you couldn’t open your heart to him as easily and as beautifully as he could open his to you. You wanted to tell him you were scared, scared of love, scared of the intensity of your feelings for him, scared of how painful they could be when he was away from you and how overwhelming they were when he was with you.    <br/>
You wanted to tell him you were scared to say those three words, scared of everything that would come with such a beautiful confession, scared to lay yourself bare, to appear vulnerable, scared that someone would one day take those feelings away and crush them along with your heart.     You were scared of making things real, finding refuge and comfort hidden in your armour, which was basically the only place where no one could hurt you, the only place were your fragile heart was safe. Yes, you wanted to tell him all that.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m … I’m scared.” You whispered with certain difficulty, those three words being the only three words you could manage to say right now. And as the sudden lump in your throat made you realised how hard it was for you to simply mouth your fear, you understood that confessing your love for Leon was certainly something you would sadly never be able to do.        <br/>
“Scared of what? My love for you?” You shook your head and pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling a small tear forming in the corner of your eyes. You quickly blinked to make it go away before it could fall or be noticed. But you were dating the most competent agent America could have ever got. With him, nothing could go unnoticed. “Hey.” Leon grabbed your hand again and your eyes met the tender blueness of his eyes. Inside them, there was no bitterness, no resentment, just sweetness and compassion.<br/>
“I just need time.” You admitted.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           And he gave you time, all the time you wanted, all the time you needed despite his permanent fear of not being able to live another day each time he was leaving for work.    <br/>
You were not like him. You were not sharing the same recklessness or the same hedonism. You were not one to enjoy every second as if they could be your last, not one to see how limited time actually was. After all, how could you? You had not been through what he had been through to do so. You had not experienced all the horrors he had seen, had not yet realised how the clock of life could stop at any moment and how death could come knock at your door at any minute.     You were not living in the same world as him, not seeing the world as dark and as hopeless as him, not seeing how it was permanently on the verge of crumbling like a sand castle and always ready to take away everything and everyone you ever loved in its fall.        <br/>
But he didn’t mind. He envied you for that. After all, he also wanted to believe he had all the time in the world to be able to actually take his time.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           But then, what should have been a lovely morning happened. The smell of freshly baked pancakes and hot coffee was floating in the kitchen as the sun was slowly rising and entering the apartment through the patio door. You were home, lazily dressed in a night gown, still a bit sleepy but waiting for Leon to come back from a simple bodyguard mission in Tall Oaks where he had escorted President Benford to give a speech at Ivy University. Nothing extraordinary and nothing potentially life-threatening. His words exactly.    <br/>
Guess he was wrong.    <br/>
<em>“The White House informed us last night that a wild biohazardous outbreak infected the population of Tall Oaks, resulting in more than 70 000 casualties including President Adam Benford.” </em>Your mug of hot coffee escaped your hand and crashed onto the floor. Petrified, you could feel your heart pounding loudly in your chest and in your ears. This couldn’t be. “T<em>his resulted in the immediate sterilisation of the city in order to eradicate the virus, a military operation that surely remind us of the Raccoon City incident of 1998</em>.” You held on to the kitchen table to provide yourself from falling to the ground. You couldn’t breathe anymore, the air not being able to leave your lungs anymore as a stream of mournful dreary thoughts was drowning you. They ultimately escaped under the shape of tears and loud sobs and moans that made you collapse on the floor. This couldn’t be. You kept repeating to yourself. If something had happened to Leon, someone would have told you. Hunnigan would have called. He was alright. He had to be.            </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You managed to blindly seize your phone on the table and dialled Leon’s office. Surely, the DSO would know more about all this and be able to comfort you. At least that’s what you hoped. “Come on. Answer damn it!” You cursed, tears streaming down your face. “ Leon Scott Kennedy’s office, how can I help you?” The voice was calm and professional but you managed to discern an ounce of sadness in it that immediately alarmed you more than you already were.  <br/>
“ Hello, it’s Y/N, Leon’s …” You weren’t able to finish the sentence too impatient to know how Leon was doing. “Is he here? Is he alright? I’ve seen the news and…”  <br/>
“Oh my God, Y/N. I thought Agent Hunnigan had called you.” That didn’t sound good and you leaned against the table leg without realising it, unconsciously expecting the bad news, feeling your small gleam of hope slowly dimming. “Leon is dead.”  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Nothing else mattered. Time had just stopped the second the sentence was over and your heart had been pulled away from your rib cage along with it. And the pain was excruciating, like a thousand blades piercing your chest.  What now? What were you gonna do without Leon in your life? You found yourself unable to answer that question. There was no future now. Nothing. Just void.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Your tears flowed and flowed, a never-ending flood of liquid pearls falling along your cheeks as you were crying your eyes out, begging anyone to bring Leon back to you. There were so many things you didn’t have time to do, so many things you didn’t have time to say. You wished you could go back to yesterday morning, when you were nestled in his strong arms, head over his naked chest. You wished you knew back then that you would never see him again. It would have changed everything and there would be no remorse. You would have prevent him from leaving or at least would have lingered over his face trying to carve each perfect little details of his features in your brain just to be able to forever remember them. You would have said you loved him.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A jingling in the door lock made you jump, and you looked up still on the floor, face and eyes reddened by your cries, your kneels against your chest. You didn’t really think about who could be entering your home and why and just waited for them to find you. “Y/N?” You quickly knelt, eyes widened. That voice. “Leon?” You whispered, relief warming your body.      <br/>
“Baby, you’re here?” You hopped up and ran towards the door, not caring if this was a dream or some fucked up hallucinations. As long as you could see him, that’s all that mattered.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And he was there, standing in the corridor, a duffle bag at his feet. Unscathed and especially alive. “Leon!” You rushed towards him to hold him, touching his whole body with your trembling hands to make sure he was real. “You’re alive. You’re alive.” You repeated, your tears finding their way out of your eyes again as you strongly pecked Leon’s soft lips over and over, hands cupping his neck. “Yes. I’m fine. I’m safe” He managed to say before you cradled yourself against him to embrace him as tightly as you could. “I was scared, so scared. I thought you were dead. They told me you were and …” You breathed in his chest, his smell being the only thing was wanted to breathe right now. “But I told Hunnigan not …” He tried to explain.        <br/>
“I called your office.” Leon briefly shut his eyes, mentally cursing himself as he dared imagine how worried and devastated you certainly had been when his secretary had announced you his death. “I asked Hunnigan to fake my death.” You frowned. What the hell was going on? “Long story.” He caressed your humid cheek, wiping your tears away. “But don’t worry. Everything is under control. But I have to go to China.”        <br/>
“No.” You dared to whisper your disagreement for the first time, refusing to let him go, and your fingers tightened even more around the nape of his neck. “I have to, baby. I have to” You shut Leon up with a new kiss that you secretly wished would make him stay. “I’ll come back. I promise.” He smiled to reassure you, his forehead lightly pressed against yours. “I love you, baby.”          <br/>
“I love you too.” You murmured back, feeling like a weight lifted off your chest as you offered him your heart without condition or fear.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A joyful wide smile stretched Leon’s tired features and his eyes started gleaming in happiness. You had finally said it. After so long. And it was beautiful. It warmed his heart and drowned it in exhilarating bliss as he played back the words in his head. His lips met your forehead and lingered there while his calloused fingers tangled in your hair. “My angel.” He said and you pressed yourself closer against him, looking for safety in his arms. But Leon was in a hurry. He grabbed your chin in between his thumb and index, forcing your to look at him in the eye. “Stay safe, alright? And remember, in the eyes of the government I’m dead.” You nodded, the remnants of your tears shining in your eyes and he kissed you one last time.          <br/>
Then, he reluctantly let go you and grabbed his bag on his way out, watching you one last time bathed by the sunlight in the middle of the corridor. “I’ll be back before you realise I’m gone.” Unlikely but you gave him a faint smile anyway.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And then he closed the door behind him. The lock banged in the frame the same way his heart banged in his chest as a sudden atrocious weight dropped heavily on his chest.    <br/>
So that’s what being loved in return felt like? Like a permanent pressure, a painful yet intoxicating force constantly crushing your heart in fear that you might possibly break the one you love if you happen to fail them. God, how terrible it was and yet how exquisite.   Tears formed in Leon’s blue eyes and he glanced back at the door for a second, burdened with the most frightening task he had ever received, protecting your heart at all costs.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And while you stood still behind that same door, terrified to never be able to spend time with Leon again, the man of your life was leaving, scared of love for the first time in his life.  </p>
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